Shilla's Story

Shilla received treatment through FREED in London. She shares her experiences of her eating disorder, treatment and recovery.

I had previously had private counselling sessions for a few weeks in August 2016 but I then got a new job in London and had to stop them. Once I got to London I had a few months when I felt really happy and felt like everything was finally looking up for me. Around December 2016 I had just split from my first relationship and thing turned to the worst for me. I was bingeing a lot and restricting the days following the binges. I left home early and didn’t spend New Year’s or my birthday at home with my family and friends because I was so scared of putting more weight on and being at home the binges seemed to have got worse. In January I sought help from my GP who referred me to the local eating disorder service and FREED.

I remember meeting Nicole in the first week of May and I was quite shocked to learn that I had bulimia. I knew I had a very hostile relationship with food and exercise which began in my second year of university in 2014. Nicole was very informative and made sure I was aware of all of my options. I felt like I was finally going to have a chance to change my life.

"I felt like I was finally going to have a chance to change my life."

My journey through FREED therapy has been one big emotional rollercoaster. Unfortunately, it has not panned out how I imagined it would have because I had a serious leg injury the day I started therapy (I think this was due to my anxiety of starting therapy). The accident forced me not to exercise and at the same time I was having to face my problems in therapy so it was a lot to take on emotionally and physically which I think slightly hindered my mind set to recover. I also started having a really hard time with my place of work which then felt like everything was falling to pieces, so naturally I turned to food to escape my emotions. This meant that I didn’t choose to implement the things that I had learnt in therapy all of the time because my head was all over the place due to putting on weight from not exercising and bingeing to extreme levels at times.

I think being able to fully speak about everything I was feeling and going through with someone who I could trust helped me massively because I finally felt that I was not running away.

I do wish I had started treatment earlier. It was mentally draining to feel like every day I was battling my thoughts and the urge to binge.

I can now have things like peanut butter or chocolate on a daily basis and have them in the cupboard without feeling the urge to binge. Seeing my weight I still find very hard but slowly I am learning that I cannot be perfect and I cannot expect myself to eat perfectly ‘clean’. I have learnt not to turn straight to food as soon as I am faced with a stressful or emotional situation.

I would advise anyone else going through an eating disorder to seek treatment immediately to try and get a hold of it before you get so deep in that it almost becomes a part of who you are.

"I would advise anyone else going through an eating disorder to seek treatment immediately to try and get a hold of it before you get so deep in that it almost becomes a part of who you are."

Shilla's Story

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