Abi's Story

Abi received treatment through FREED in London. She shares her experiences of her eating disorder, treatment and recovery.

Hi, I’m Abi! I’m twenty years old, a student living in London, and consider myself in remission from anorexia nervosa. That I can label my relationship with anorexia a “remission” never ceases to amaze me. For a long time this wasn’t the case. As a teenager, my life spiralled down a dark path along which the eating disorder met me, befriended me, and dragged me down with it. Comforted by the sense of control that anorexia can give, I watched as the joys of life slipped farther and farther away. For a while I was content to make that sacrifice. But in time I realised that a true friend lifts you up - and all the anorexia ever did was bury me in pain, anxiety, and isolation. After much deliberation and self-doubt, I mustered up all my courage, and asked for help in ridding myself of my false friend.

"The FREED programme came along at just the right time. Not only did the fantastic team at the Maudsley Hospital recognise that I needed help, despite appearing physically healthy, they also tailored my treatment to my needs."

So began my recovery. The journey was long and full of trials. I made good progress at home with my local CAMHS team, but when I left for university I was confronted with challenges that threatened to upset the delicate balance I walked between life and disorder. The FREED programme came along at just the right time. Not only did the fantastic team at the Maudsley Hospital recognise that I needed help, despite appearing physically healthy, they also tailored my treatment to my needs. With such bespoke support, I was able to really leave the eating disorder behind. Instead of dropping out, I stayed at university and embraced its opportunities. I involved myself with university life in a way that I couldn’t whilst the eating disorder monopolised my time. A huge part of this was joining the Dance Club, for dance was a lost love from which the anorexia had stolen the fun. I also travelled, roaming from Spain to Jordan to India, enjoying new foods and thriving on new experiences I never thought I’d get to appreciate. This August, I celebrated my twentieth birthday on a rooftop in Thiruvananthapuram, the capital city of the south Indian state of Kerala. As my friends and I sat drinking violently bright orangeade, snacking on fried sugary delicacies, I realised I didn’t even feel a shred of guilt. The anorexia no longer controlled me. I could really be present, and celebrate in style.

Back home, that realisation stays with me. As I prepare to leave university and start the next chapter of my life, I’m overwhelmingly grateful to be able to say, wholeheartedly, that I don’t care what the anorexia thinks anymore. I’m free to live my life as I please, accompanied by true friends who bring me happiness, not sickness. Turns out asking for help didn’t just save my life in a physical sense. It also restored all of life’s joy.

Abi's Story

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