Moving on is difficult and letting go will always be a life lesson but there’s only one thing worse than blindness, having sight but NO vision. That’s what anorexia did, I had my eyes wide open, but I was stumbling blind.
Anorexia, came into my life as it entangled itself in my deepest fears, offering a ‘solution’ to everything I felt, a way to gain back control in my seemingly out of control life. If I couldn’t control what was going on around at least I could control what I put inside me
The few moments of clarity I experienced, too often consumed by the chaos inside my head and the elusive idea of control.
Asking for help was difficult, the ever-moving standards set inside my head, meant that I felt unworthy of help, and that I wasn’t sick enough. I was deathly afraid of the ‘almosts’, and so often felt that it was safer to destroy any opportunity had, rather than take that chance and have something to lose, having to face the idea I was never good enough and a failure anyway.
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